Not Getting Things Done
I have to admit that I'm feeling quite sad at the moment. I can't hug my mum and dad. I can't hug Rosy. I likely won't see my oldest children for a few months as they live in another state. Paul, ironically, is the busiest he has been since I've known him as he has a huge project due in a few weeks' time, so we are not seeing much of him and I miss him terribly. Posy is agitating to be homeschooled rather than do her approved on-line learning with her school after the holidays; I don't know what the answer is for that conundrum, and Posy, when she wants something just doesn't let up, an attitude which I applaud generally, but find very tiring when it is turned in my direction..
None of these problems are at all pressing in the scale of world events. They are the small, sad realities that are currently shared by all of us, that we take on board for the greater good. I was very moved by all of your responses to the last post where you shared your experiences, everyone, everywhere being in social isolation and what that means for us all. We miss our families, the easy interaction with friends, we suddenly realise, even the introverts amongst us, what it is that community life provides for us on a daily basis. We are fearful because we are in an unknown place, anxious for our loved ones and grieving for the tragedy in the wider world. Gretchen Joanna summed up my feelings so beautifully, "No matter how much potential for good there is in all this confinement, it's just plain hard to get used to, and we find that every day turns out to be a fresh challenge to the psyche." This is so true. The pain of separation is real, the difficulties of confinement are the small irritations of a buzzing mosquito, but no less confronting or irritating for all that.
Nonetheless, we are all keeping on, working from home, or going out into a newly frightening world to work, toiling in the garden, walking the dog, making dinner, keeping tabs on extended family and vulnerable neighbours, sharing seeds and garden produce, raising children, celebrating birthdays. We do what we can, which is all we can ever do. And in between the times where we do what we can, well, those are the spaces where we can't, where we collapse into little puddles of sadness and grief and loneliness or just plain blah. For me, I hide in my bed with the cat and re-read Agatha Christie novels for the fifty-fourth time. Or I realise it has taken me three hours to make an apple crumble or half a day to get all the floors swept. I am not at my most productive right now. Well, to be honest, I was never noticeably productive, and now less than ever. But I have decided to be at peace with that. I will do what I can do, and what doesn't get done, why, it can remain undone. Peaceful acceptance of imperfection is my aim. Grumpy resignation about not getting things done is my reality.
Congratulations to us all for getting through each day with as much grace as we can muster. It is enough xx
Comments
I'm all over the place up, down, fearful, calm, accepting and wishing this was a dream I could wake from, pretty much all in one day, most days.
Today is my boys birthday and luckily he is one of the kids living with us right now, so cake and carbs it shall be.
I'm not getting anymore done than I did pre-virus. I'm not inspired, motivated or encouraged by those who suggest we use this time to learn that thing we've never had time for, or to do all the extra spring cleaning jobs, write that book or any other productive suggestions. I'm taking this time to actually be, to go slow with permission rather than feeling like I'm swimming against the tide. I don't want to swap busy pre life for a new kind of busy life, I want to just be, get to myself again, what do I actually like? To live just how I want, as soon as I figure that out,
Cheers Kate
I'm an introvert and not a hugger but even I'm missing hugs.
Cheers Kate
Silver lining to this is you are blogging more, I will take that virtual hug any day!
Be well, and stay sane, Jo!
Patricia/USA
Anna, introvert that I am I would find it very difficult to do this alone. I'm very grateful to have my crazy 15yo with me. I salute you in your 21 days of solitary confinement, and am so glad that it is working for you, and also hope that it comes to an end for you and all of us soon so you can go on that long hike in the spring sunshine.
Kathy, yes, I think a general lowering of expectations is the key for now. I am very pleased to hear that you will be able to skip ironing the school uniforms. Confession: I have never ironed school uniforms. I dried them on the line, hung them up straight away in the cupboard and decided that was close enough to ironing as any school uniform deserved:)
Cheers Kate
Now, the whole world wants me to stay home, so much that they will even do the shopping for me. Even with my confused psyche, I find it so restful to be able to set my own pace and come to the point of being able to think deeply, because I'm not getting interrupted by errands and visitors. Part of me wants to feel guilty for living the good life and knowing it, when many are not able to for various reasons.
Writing about this confusion just now has helped me to remember that the "solution" to the disconnect is to connect, to struggle inwardly and pray with all my fellow humans everywhere. We are physical creatures, to be sure, but that's not all we are, a truth that is coming into better focus through all our sufferings.
The way I see it is that in life we all take turns at bearing burdens and being courageous because we have to be, and also having times of rest and reprieve. A few months ago here in Australia it was the firefighters who were in the front line, now it is the nurses and doctors, and hopefully the firefighters are getting some R&R before the next fire season. You yourself and our dear friend Patricia in this commenting community are not many years out from your dark nights of the soul when you both lost your beloved partners. And now you are in a relatively safe place. That is good because society needs people who are calm and strong and cheerful as well as those who are stretched to the limits on the front line. It needs people who can call family and neighbours to be a listening ear, write cheery notes and letters, facetime with grandchildren to help them through difficult days away from their friends. There are scores of people in my community who are busy sewing masks and scrubs and others who are cooking meals for those who need them. Your own hard-won experience and compassion may be needed when people in your community lose loved ones.
So I say, use the rest and reprieve while you can to build yourself up to be useful in ways that only you can know how in your community. Much love to you xx
I, too, am enjoying your more frequent posts. Your garden viewed through the window in the photo looks quite charming. I don't think you can read Agatha Christie too much. My favorite rereads currently are the Miss Read series on Thrush Green and Fairacre.
I have read many of the Miss Read series, though I don't have them in the house to re-read. They are such gentle reads, perfect for these times.
As for Miss Read, yes. Also the Minack series by Derek Tangye. Pure nostalgia and charm from a lifetime ago.
Keep smiling, everyone.
Linda in NZ
I vaguely remember the Minack series, I think I may have read those books over twenty years ago. I think what we are craving right now is very calm reading about nature and the simple life. I am reading a chapter of Payne Hollow to Paul every time we get together. It is Harlan Hubbard's account of building a house in the woods of Kentucky with his wife Anna, just after WWII. It is a sort of modern Walden. Then we will move on to the first book in the series, Shantyboat, where the couple build their own boat and sail down the Ohio River for eight years.
Hope you are well and enjoying the quiet days. It is quiet here, but yesterday morning three aircraft flew overhead which was a reminder as to how things used to be not that long ago. Can't say that I miss the noisy things.
Keeping busy here - it's a lifestyle choice after all - and the hunt for the best hot cross buns around is a worthy use for a persons time. :-)
Have you ever considered that you are meant to be feeling the way you are currently feeling? And are such feelings yours or someone else's? It is not as simple a thing to work out as it first appears.
Strong work ethics are just as much of a pesky problem. Planted out about what must have been about 500 raspberry plants yesterday. Those berries make the best jam around. I totally mucked things up last December with those plants by not watering them due to fears of running out of water in the crazy hot and dry weather. That was a bad call. Anyway, I've feared a few things that have not come to pass, and that was one of them!
Cheers
Chris
Enjoy being.
Patricia/USA
Mrs Tiggywinkle, I amazed and humbled by gratitude at the many stories I hear of how people in so many professions have gone above and beyond to make things just a little easier for their clients in the past few weeks.
And time to be. Yes, I love that way of putting it:)
Patricia, let's all enjoy being xx
We are lucky that we have bushland around us and have been walking on different tracks nearly every day for the past week and a bit. I do miss that I cannot go and visit my mother - she lives in Qld, but besides that, I wish I could be in lock down for longer than the two weeks' break. I could easily potter for months around the garden and house and online. I am over being exhausted by work. But I know I shouldn't whinge and should be grateful I have a job.
Lucinda