Not Getting Things Done
I have to admit that I'm feeling quite sad at the moment. I can't hug my mum and dad. I can't hug Rosy. I likely won't see my oldest children for a few months as they live in another state. Paul, ironically, is the busiest he has been since I've known him as he has a huge project due in a few weeks' time, so we are not seeing much of him and I miss him terribly. Posy is agitating to be homeschooled rather than do her approved on-line learning with her school after the holidays; I don't know what the answer is for that conundrum, and Posy, when she wants something just doesn't let up, an attitude which I applaud generally, but find very tiring when it is turned in my direction..
None of these problems are at all pressing in the scale of world events. They are the small, sad realities that are currently shared by all of us, that we take on board for the greater good. I was very moved by all of your responses to the last post where you shared your experiences, everyone, everywhere being in social isolation and what that means for us all. We miss our families, the easy interaction with friends, we suddenly realise, even the introverts amongst us, what it is that community life provides for us on a daily basis. We are fearful because we are in an unknown place, anxious for our loved ones and grieving for the tragedy in the wider world. Gretchen Joanna summed up my feelings so beautifully, "No matter how much potential for good there is in all this confinement, it's just plain hard to get used to, and we find that every day turns out to be a fresh challenge to the psyche." This is so true. The pain of separation is real, the difficulties of confinement are the small irritations of a buzzing mosquito, but no less confronting or irritating for all that.
Nonetheless, we are all keeping on, working from home, or going out into a newly frightening world to work, toiling in the garden, walking the dog, making dinner, keeping tabs on extended family and vulnerable neighbours, sharing seeds and garden produce, raising children, celebrating birthdays. We do what we can, which is all we can ever do. And in between the times where we do what we can, well, those are the spaces where we can't, where we collapse into little puddles of sadness and grief and loneliness or just plain blah. For me, I hide in my bed with the cat and re-read Agatha Christie novels for the fifty-fourth time. Or I realise it has taken me three hours to make an apple crumble or half a day to get all the floors swept. I am not at my most productive right now. Well, to be honest, I was never noticeably productive, and now less than ever. But I have decided to be at peace with that. I will do what I can do, and what doesn't get done, why, it can remain undone. Peaceful acceptance of imperfection is my aim. Grumpy resignation about not getting things done is my reality.
Congratulations to us all for getting through each day with as much grace as we can muster. It is enough xx