A Sunshiny Day
This was me on Monday evening, having a little celebratory drink while reflecting on The Good News of Paul's first post-chemo scan. He has the all-clear! Mr Cancer has gone away. This is the first of many scans over the next five years to confirm this initial good news, but it is a wonderful moment. On Wednesday night Paul came into town and we had more celebratory drinks, and tomorrow night I will go up to the mountain cabin, for, wait for it, more celebratory drinks. Then perhaps we will do some detoxing or something. But meanwhile, a little basking in good news. Due to covid, Paul had the news over the phone, so it has taken a little while to sink in. On Wednesday when I saw him, it was wonderful to hold on to him and know that he is truly well.
He even looks well now. He has gained weight, and he has lost that awful grey look he had on chemo. During chemo he developed a lot of wrinkles, I guess from losing elasticity in his skin, and had dark hollows under his eyes, and his skull was very prominent under his skin. He really did look as if he was about to drop dead there for a few months. But now his skin has filled out and he has lost his wrinkles (he just has his normal ones now!) and his face has regained its colour. He looks well, and he is well. While we would have just got on and dealt with whatever life brought us, we are so relieved right now that it has brought Paul his health back. He has a little numbness in his fingers and toes, and some residual occasional digestive problems, but he is in such good shape considering what he has gone through. He even still has all his hair.
So here we are. Was it a lost year? I don't think so. It was frightening for me and painful for Paul. We had a lot of challenges and also learnt a lot. We are still together, there is a lot of love, as there ever was, and now a new kind of understanding and kindness as well. We know we can go through hard times together, not without difficulty, but without giving up. Paul has taught me so much this last year about accepting what fate brings, and carrying on with good grace through very trying circumstances. He found good things about every situation he found himself in, and remained remarkably cheerful in the face of a lot of pain and difficulties. He can always have a laugh at himself, which is pure gold in a relationship:)
And thank you, all of you, for being here with us through this journey so far. I have found such comfort and kindness here, such practical advice, but mostly, kindness and comfort. Thank you to every person who takes the time to leave a comment or to email me to let me know that we are in your thoughts. It really does mean so much that I reach out with words and friendship comes back. Magic! So thank you again, and let us all forge on into 2022, a new year of unknowns. We don't know what the future holds, but we have each other, nice dogs, gardens, colouring in and old teddy bears to see us through..