The Kitchen Just Won't Clean Itself
Last night's dishes
"Mother, dearest, if the kitchen was tidier it would be so much more aesthetically pleasing." This was Posy's contribution to my morning today. And this from a child who literally has to wade through piles of clothing to get to her bed..
I am 47 years old and I still can't keep the kitchen tidy. I have, over the years, developed many elaborate and cunning plans and routines to keep my house tidy and clean. You can see the result up above on the Housekeeping page. These have been useful in that they are generally all that stand between me and the housekeeping apocalypse. I feel bad every time I look at that page, which is almost never, because I worry that it might look like I am an organised person who actually keeps the house clean. I am not. I sort of keep the house clean, mostly by remembering that it is Tuesday and I am supposed to be cleaning the bathroom, and I really ought to because I didn't do it last week. I haven't dusted for three weeks and I can't remember the last time I mopped the kitchen floor. I do like a sparkly clean and tidy house, but I don't really need it to be clean. I am pretty sure that germs are good for us in some way. You know, dirt and studies of microbiomes or something like that. I do keep our living areas tidy by sternly growling at the children periodically about removing their hockey socks from the lounge room floor, and by firmly removing everything from the dining room table nearly every single day..
..but the kitchen.. well, it works hard. There is very little bench space and what there is usually has Important Things on it, like whole cabbages for sauerkraut and bags of spring onions to plant and oranges that I can't think where to put, and all the mail from last month, and jars. So many jars. I have a problem with jars. I can't get rid of them because they May Come In Handy, so I hide them under my bed and Paul trips over them in the middle of the night when he comes to stay and scares the cat.
You may be wondering where I am going with all this, and is there a point? Well, there wasn't, but there might be. If I have tried hard all my adult life to be tidy and haven't managed it by now, then maybe it is time to stop fighting. I do have a tolerance for a certain level of mess - you know, somewhere slightly below lived-in but above actual squalor. It occurs to me that if everything I own is something I just love, then it won't bother me to see it lying about untidily. Posy kept bringing me autumn leaves a few weeks ago and I piled them onto the sideboard. They were still here until I added them to my autumn leaf mulch the other day, and it didn't bother me at all to have an untidy heap of autumn leaves in my house, because they were so pretty. Maybe if I throw away everything I don't like, then I will be left with a mess that is aesthetically pleasing.
The bench-bit-next-to-the-door-mess
First step would be throwing out every single thing in my plastics cupboard, then never letting anything with a plastic wrapper into my house ever again. That would be very satisfying. It would also require the superior organisational skills of someone who was capable, say, of cleaning the kitchen. And, you might ask, why not clean the kitchen instead of spending three quarters of an hour writing a blog post about it? Good question, I might reply. It is because thinking about cleaning the kitchen and coming up with a better way to achieve a clean kitchen are far more interesting than actually cleaning it.. because I am an Ideas Person. It would, of course, be more convenient to be an Ideas Person if I had Staff.
The floor-next-to-the-other-side-of-the-door mess.
Lacking staff, as the children are uncooperative and the cat just ignores me, I will have to resolve this issue myself. I think I will dispose of everything I don't like. This, combined with my resolve not to buy anything, will make my house very bare, which will make me even more happy. As I get older I get less and less attached to things, and more attached to space and light. What a joy it will be to have less extraneous objects hanging about, requiring me to look after them. Well, I will talk to you later then, after I have removed all the ugly and annoying things..
Comments
cheers Kate
Whilst waiting for the kettle to boil I looked at the unwashed dishes, the jars (empty and full), the rather manky fridge, the eggs, the jars, the blackberry whisky I hastily decanted into a jug yesterday because I needed the big jar for making rhubarb and ginger gin, the (unused!) dog poo bag of foraged ash keys waiting for me to finally get around to trying ash key pickle of years of thinking I will, more jars and the general detritus and thought I really should tidy up and clean now. But it's going to rain later and the vegetable plants need planting and seeds need sowing (and the garden also needs tidying!) I read your post and thought 'yes!'. You're right about getting rid of stuff. I really need to. William Morris is over quoted but he had a good point. In the meantime, the garden's won :-)
PS I would say you can never have too many jars but my husband would disagree. Until they're filled with jam...
Patricia
I am an Ideas Person, too, longing for staff, just one, just for a little while, just to get me on track.
It would never last, though. I would go back to my bad old ways.
Pam
Pam, yes, we need permanent staff:) Although managing staff is not my forte either, if the children are any yardstick to judge by..
Anna, nooooo, that is not fair, koala bear, as we used to say as children.. I am hearing you on the story of your friend. It is a terrible thought leaving that all that stuff for our kids. Swedish death cleaning - the gentle process of letting things go while we are still alive so that everyone we love won't have to do it when we are dead. Here is what I find horrifying. The world is full of so much crap that here in the developed world we are drowning in it while so many have absolutely nothing. What if we never bought another single thing and shared our incomes instead?
Fran, well, yes, this is my life. It was your comment about me being organised that prompted this. I was aghast that anyone would think that about me - I felt the need to clear that up! Because, where are we if we aren't honest? I've not historically been great at communicating honestly where I am at, but again, getting older, life's too short. Let's put it all out there..
Good to hear that the mice haven't managed to unscrew the jar lids yet. Jars are great! I remember reading an article once about how traditional societies would have revered glass jars because they would have been the most useful things in the village. Let's recognise them for the miracle that they are!
I just wish I could stop the creative cluttermaking for say, a day, reverse the process long enough to clear a bit of mental and physical space for a guest...
I am loving your honesty too Jo, I will be 50 this year and my life is just full of changes, everyday, that are out of my control. I'm finding it all a bit of a struggle really, so doing the worst possible thing I could, I've turned to social media and blogs to try to find my way through this transition. That's not been all bad but it hasn't always helped either, it's so nice to find a place here that feels real. I'm enjoying your followers comments as much as your post too, so thanks for creating this space that feels so real.
cheers Kate
Yes, creative clutter-making is a trial, but a good one, no? Because otherwise our houses would be sterile places where we did nothing but watch screens. As much as I admire a clear space, I also love productive spaces, and minimalism poses this problem for me - what do you people actually DO in your houses?
Kate, YES! Plastic is made out of a finite resource which is literally being burned up. And yet it is incredibly useful and vital for so many things. What will our descendants think of us? I'm sure they will not be able to imagine what we thought we were doing..
And thank you, I love to hear that this is a good and safe space for others. It certainly is for me, and I have found so much support and kindness and inspiration here over the years, and one of the best things is the frankness and honesty of the people who comment here, which only encourages me and others to be real as well. So really, thank you :) xx and thinking of you, dear Kate, in your struggles right now. It is not easy to feel that life is spiralling out of our control. The Stoics, who I am kind of fond of, would say that nothing is in our control, except our response to life's circumstances. I find your vulnerability, thoughtfulness and honesty very refreshing and I think those qualities will stand you in good stead as you tackle the difficulties in your life. Keep going, my dear xx
I love this blog, your take on life, and the comments of your readers. It really does help to know that there are like-minded people somewhere out there, even if it seems that I rarely meet one in my everyday life. But perhaps that is because my everyday life is rather a small one, mostly spent at home, which is actually where I like to be.
Linda in NZ
I live a small and happy everyday life as well, although I have found some kindred spirits locally. But this blog is a wonderful way to connect with so many more good people, which is why I love it:) Well, and also I get to witter away at length, which also makes me happy:)
And my circumstances have been decidedly iffy over the last couple of years and I am, I suppose, presently evaluating my response. Better read up on the stoics- I like the sound of them.
And not only depending on us, but depending on us appearing to be fine.
What if, I ask, what if we just stop saying we are fine?
Because, my honeys, clearly we are not fine.
It can be so very hard to speak the truth when we aren't fine, specially if those closest to us, don't support us in the way we expect, when we've made ourselves vulnerable and been honest. Kind of knocks the wind out of our sails, and sets us back many steps...or maybe that is just me.
cheers Kate
The ant situation turned out to be caused by a broken water pipe which we discovered when re-concreting. The habit has pretty much stuck though. The rest of the house though...
Thanks for the laugh! And yes, before you ask, you would totally die here merely by being confronted by a total vortex of neatness! Hehe!
Funny stuff. Well you know, everyone is different and that is cool, because that is how it should be! So what about the mess, nobody wins points for having the neatest kitchen. And from what I understand the bugs are probably good for us - as food is less alive than it once was - and that doesn't look like it is working out so well.
Chris
Patricia
In the big L-shaped room that is my kitchen and family/dining room, what am I doing? Besides cooking, I am sorting seeds, writing letters, addressing and applying stamps to the letters, researching in books, reading recipes in books, reading novels, sorting mail, writing on the computer, watching sweet pea petals fall from vases, collecting items to take to another room, and mending a shirt. I am cleaning out under the sink, which makes a big mess.
Lots of book clutter!!! I have a stack of books to read via FaceTime or Skype to the grandchildren far away, a stack of books to start studying Spanish with, a stack for identifying weeds or birds, and just now, ta da! a couple of books from which to get my sourdough starter recipes, so that added some more clutter of two jars on the counter.
I just realized that I already posted a comment. Your post leads to so many thoughts....
In the old days before I had a computer I used to sit at the kitchen table to write a letter, and use the clutter items all around me as paragraph topics :-) That's a technique for organizing your clutter without having to touch it! XO Love and joy to you, Jo.
Miss Maudy, so what you're saying is that I need to arrange a broken water pipe and an ant plague? Ok, on it.
Chris, yes, I can imagine the extreme neatness of your place. It even reveals itself in your fabulously neat farm! You hit the nail on the head. We are all different, and so often we try so hard to be the other thing, when all we are doing is fighting against nature. I have four such different children that I have tended to swing towards the nature side of the nature/nurture debate for the manifestations of personality..
Patricia, me too:) and so good to have you here xx
Gretchen Joanna, I love your hard-working kitchen. It sounds like a wonderful, welcoming place to sit down with a friend and a cuppa, and if you were close I would love to come and visit with you in it :)
Currently the kitchen bench is housing harvested pumpkins, sweet potato and chard; a lot of crumbs from the two sourdough loaves that live on the breadboard on the bench and create regular crumb action; a bag full of olives eyeing me off to be preserved; compost buckets to be washed; eggplants that i scored to be pickled; my dehydrator that needs a good clean before going away for the season; the slow cooker that is too big to go in the cupboard; general kid related chaos and my laptop as I bang away a few comments around preparing afternoon tea. So - I feel you!
Interesting comment thread about how we feel the pressure to project a certain image or certain level of coping. It's interesting how we can be scared of admitting that things are perhaps less than ideal, scared to show our vulnerability - I love Brene Brown's books around this and how she challenges us to show our vulnerability and call out shame in order to live a wholehearted life.
Anyway, I suppose none of this will get the kitchen tidy hey! I best attempt some order before the other half arrives home - he is not so embracing of the productive chaos approach and it definitely stresses him out, so I try and be kind to his stress levels by appropriating some sort of order by the end of the day.
Cheers,
Laura